Life & Death

I never said I will die..But, I will.. It is that inevitable truth.. I know, I don’t mourn. I celebrate, the spirit of life & death.
I am sad and happy, now and then. Why? the truth lies in the heart of a rain drop.
sometimes I feel like ignite a fire, big and devastating, and then sit there inside the fire. Whenever I visualise, I feel peace, miraculously. Even in the hottest day of summer, I feel like showering under the burning flames of fire. I feel it can take me to you and my real home, eternal dream. I can not find my way home, it’s lost far far away…

For the time being, I will live and perform the duties and die.. As, this life is an atonement, a path to reach you, my soulmate.



To you

Dear You,

It’s not always what I mean to say,

It’s not always what I want to be,

It’s not always what I feel to life


It’s not always what I live to breath

It’s not always what I become as me

It’s not always what I dream as destiny


It’s always what I write to you….

is this Letter.


Life is beautiful then, now and again, 


Sincerely yours,


When that Day will come

When that day will come, I’ll write a letter to you. I’ll write an honest letter to you. All those questions you bearing in your heart, all those worries clouding your mind, and all those promises yet to keep, I’ll give an honest justice to all of them. Do not think I am lying to you all these days. I would never ever do that to you, not a single instance. I was, I am always true to you. But what I could not do is to express the honest feelings. That one word, that only word I want to pen it down honestly. I hope I’ll make it on that day, when that day will come.

I do not know when that day will come, really I do not know. But I hope, even in my dreams, I hope for that day. If I ever express honestly, it will definitely be that day. Like Alice whenever I fall in a strange land, you are always my exit door. I can hold it together because always I can dream a dream of you. People say it’s not normal as living in a fantasy world. I know it’s an utopia. But still then it’s very much mine, perhaps it is the only thing I have.

Sometimes it feels ridiculous to call a fantasy world as real. And I easily get frustrated when people call me crazy. But then again, all of a sudden, I can see you in the middle of the crowd and I can feel the warmth of your heart in the winter night. So, I am alive again. I know I’m a stupid girl, an idiot perhaps. But what can I do? If I want to continue the living, I need you and the escape to your world.

The world stares at me and find a smile on my face. Some says this smile can melt anyone. Huh, I’m not that much gullible. If it’s so easy to melt, how life is this much miserable? As I always try to see the glass half filled, I would rather not utter this word “miserable”. But what if I’m feeling a piercing pain inside my heart? What if my mind goes blank from time to time? What if I do not have any back up plan anymore? What if this time I will not gather enough strength to stand? It’s like a vacuum.

I’m tired. Yes, my body-mind-soul is aching too much. I can hardly think anything. If I ever been able to think, I can think of you and the escape to your world. And even if I spend sleepless nights, I’m always dreaming a dream about you. The dream of that day when I can finally gain enough courage to write you an honest letter. When that day will come I’ll live a real life.

Colour of the Moon

It is the colour of the Moon which I wanted to show you.
But it seems you found the colour of the rainbow, Violet-Indigo-Blue-Green-Yellow-Orange-Red.

Did you painted the black and white sketches? Well now the pallet is filled with the seven basics.

I can see the shimmering brightness of the colours. I can see you in the middle of the glittery beam, just under the spotlight. I’m so delighted to see you so sharp.

You asked me to join the brigade of rainbow. But I am the one who is mesmerized with the colour of the Moon. Have you seen the Moon yet?

My dear, I would like to join you and all your seasons someday, but not today. Today I’ll just sit back and look at the Moon, drink the crystal flavored colour of it.

I wish you were here so that I could take you to the river of white light and tell you the stories of silvery horizon. I wish, I really wish that you were here.

But it’s alright to see you there so much filled with life. It’s just we found our life in different shades. I like the colours you are wearing now but then why the canvas is still waiting?

I know you can’t hear me anymore, it’s just I’m not using the words to show you the path. I just asked the Moon to lay a tranquil path towards the dream of our tree. I hope one day you find the peace and me.

Until then I feel rainbow for you.

Destiny whispers to me

You forgot to say goodbye, I remembered not to tell you my name.
Now we became islands, only ocean can find us. Waves are coming back and forth.
I can hear the distant symphony, but the fog curtains the sight.
It’ us all awake at night, and there’s those days of dreams.
We were the only dream catchers.
Have you seen the wizards anymore? or the old men of great wisdom?
I cant find the path of butterfly’s soul, the light of rainbow lost long ego.
I can’t feel anything anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how is it feel like not to feel anymore?
No pain, no happiness, no trauma, no laughter, no attachment.
It’s so empty like a great vacuum space, hollow inside.
Often I sit beside the window or next to the dream of our tree.
I sit silently, not a word I whisper, and I try to find the words from the memory.
I try to hum the song which mothers used to sing, but I can hear only my heartbeat.
I stay silent and silence became mine.
Ohh! so much noise, please tell them not to speak, as I’m listenning to you.
You, who was the only sky, scattered into millions of stars.
I sit and wait, wait and wait, for the infinity, that I lost into oblivion.
I forget to say goodbye, and You remember not to remember my name .
We become the fate, and destiny whispers the tale.

Come back soon

I thought you were there, far away.
But I found you in front of me,
behind that dark cloud…
rain was about to come.
was it really you?
or a mere glimpse of past?

I called your name
but the rain came down
What could I see ?
a frill-curtain of rain
between you and me.

You were there just behind
the curtain, I stretched my hand
to feel your presence,
But the rain flooded me
across the sea.

Now there’s this blue azure sea
between you and me…
Every Spring, you write to me,
You’re building a ship;
Every Winter I sing to You,
I’m waiting near the sea-sore.

In the moonlight
the waves are touching
my fingers as you touched
my soul..
My dear, come back soon..


It’s only words they can understand
Which I never have in time,
And they will never look into deep inside
Where real me is always waiting
to be touched.
I’m walking here and there
Still looking for don’t know what,
May be peace or may be you.
And I’m quite forgettable too
They can’t remember me
or my likes, dislikes, and my face.
It’s seems like I disappeared
from the past or invisible in the future,
Also I never like to be seen at present.
But sometimes It feels good
When someone says just “hi”.
As the days passes by I’m getting
More and more tired and quiet
No doubt I’m loving this solitaire state.
As this halt being longer and longer,
Life is just a small pause in the
River of floating spirit.
Past few years were tough,
Struggling to be alive, just alive.
And day by day a dark cloud
Surrounding me, light is fading.
Hollowness coming towards step by step,
And I can feel the emptiness.
“What can I do?” I don’t ask anymore.
Few tasks are left here and there,
Few more duties to be done.
Few years needs to be past,
Few more life to be enhanced.
And then I can go for a long vacation,
To meet my ancestors at the river-bank
The last act of great disappearing,
Words will come back thereafter.

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