When that day will come, I’ll write a letter to you. I’ll write an honest letter to you. All those questions you bearing in your heart, all those worries clouding your mind, and all those promises yet to keep, I’ll give an honest justice to all of them. Do not think I am lying to you all these days. I would never ever do that to you, not a single instance. I was, I am always true to you. But what I could not do is to express the honest feelings. That one word, that only word I want to pen it down honestly. I hope I’ll make it on that day, when that day will come.
I do not know when that day will come, really I do not know. But I hope, even in my dreams, I hope for that day. If I ever express honestly, it will definitely be that day. Like Alice whenever I fall in a strange land, you are always my exit door. I can hold it together because always I can dream a dream of you. People say it’s not normal as living in a fantasy world. I know it’s an utopia. But still then it’s very much mine, perhaps it is the only thing I have.
Sometimes it feels ridiculous to call a fantasy world as real. And I easily get frustrated when people call me crazy. But then again, all of a sudden, I can see you in the middle of the crowd and I can feel the warmth of your heart in the winter night. So, I am alive again. I know I’m a stupid girl, an idiot perhaps. But what can I do? If I want to continue the living, I need you and the escape to your world.
The world stares at me and find a smile on my face. Some says this smile can melt anyone. Huh, I’m not that much gullible. If it’s so easy to melt, how life is this much miserable? As I always try to see the glass half filled, I would rather not utter this word “miserable”. But what if I’m feeling a piercing pain inside my heart? What if my mind goes blank from time to time? What if I do not have any back up plan anymore? What if this time I will not gather enough strength to stand? It’s like a vacuum.
I’m tired. Yes, my body-mind-soul is aching too much. I can hardly think anything. If I ever been able to think, I can think of you and the escape to your world. And even if I spend sleepless nights, I’m always dreaming a dream about you. The dream of that day when I can finally gain enough courage to write you an honest letter. When that day will come I’ll live a real life.