It’s not your fault

The star is shining brighter,
Today
if this time passes,
the words that tell me that you’re leaving
make me sad.
Until the end of tonight.
those happy times,
the many promises between us,
they keep whispering into my ears,
and make me sad.
It’s not your fault.
for some reason, I have the urge to cry.
I was dreaming of a dream that was too perfect.

( This is a song from one of my favorite K-Drama )

 

 

How Could I Let Him Go?

whilst only looking at Him, I call out to Him silently.

So deep, that special feeling, that innocent passion for Him, I used have . Yes, it’s in the past now. He has abandoned me that day when all of you tried to make Him my God or just Collectibles.

No one knows he was my everything. He still is. Even now, but, I died that day.

I believed death is the end of disappearance..

Life & Death

I never said I will die..But, I will.. It is that inevitable truth.. I know, I don’t mourn. I celebrate, the spirit of life & death.
I am sad and happy, now and then. Why? the truth lies in the heart of a rain drop.
sometimes I feel like ignite a fire, big and devastating, and then sit there inside the fire. Whenever I visualise, I feel peace, miraculously. Even in the hottest day of summer, I feel like showering under the burning flames of fire. I feel it can take me to you and my real home, eternal dream. I can not find my way home, it’s lost far far away…

For the time being, I will live and perform the duties and die.. As, this life is an atonement, a path to reach you, my soulmate.

 

 

To you

Dear You,

It’s not always what I mean to say,

It’s not always what I want to be,

It’s not always what I feel to life

And,

It’s not always what I live to breath

It’s not always what I become as me

It’s not always what I dream as destiny

But,

It’s always what I write to you….

is this Letter.

Hoping,

Life is beautiful then, now and again, 

 

Sincerely yours,

Me.

When that Day will come

When that day will come, I’ll write a letter to you. I’ll write an honest letter to you. All those questions you bearing in your heart, all those worries clouding your mind, and all those promises yet to keep, I’ll give an honest justice to all of them. Do not think I am lying to you all these days. I would never ever do that to you, not a single instance. I was, I am always true to you. But what I could not do is to express the honest feelings. That one word, that only word I want to pen it down honestly. I hope I’ll make it on that day, when that day will come.

I do not know when that day will come, really I do not know. But I hope, even in my dreams, I hope for that day. If I ever express honestly, it will definitely be that day. Like Alice whenever I fall in a strange land, you are always my exit door. I can hold it together because always I can dream a dream of you. People say it’s not normal as living in a fantasy world. I know it’s an utopia. But still then it’s very much mine, perhaps it is the only thing I have.

Sometimes it feels ridiculous to call a fantasy world as real. And I easily get frustrated when people call me crazy. But then again, all of a sudden, I can see you in the middle of the crowd and I can feel the warmth of your heart in the winter night. So, I am alive again. I know I’m a stupid girl, an idiot perhaps. But what can I do? If I want to continue the living, I need you and the escape to your world.

The world stares at me and find a smile on my face. Some says this smile can melt anyone. Huh, I’m not that much gullible. If it’s so easy to melt, how life is this much miserable? As I always try to see the glass half filled, I would rather not utter this word “miserable”. But what if I’m feeling a piercing pain inside my heart? What if my mind goes blank from time to time? What if I do not have any back up plan anymore? What if this time I will not gather enough strength to stand? It’s like a vacuum.

I’m tired. Yes, my body-mind-soul is aching too much. I can hardly think anything. If I ever been able to think, I can think of you and the escape to your world. And even if I spend sleepless nights, I’m always dreaming a dream about you. The dream of that day when I can finally gain enough courage to write you an honest letter. When that day will come I’ll live a real life.